Edinburg Badass against New York Bad Ass

(criminal story)

“We know that ‘Prime Evil Corporal’ threatens to explode a building in New York and demands $1 million. Besides, he encrypts his messages with Edinburgh slang,” said the Chief criminal investigator.

“For example, not earlier than yesterday, we received a message with the following content: ‘Fuds, I ken everything about you!’” Chief rubbed his forehead, “So ‘Fuds’ means idiots…‘Ken’ means know… Knowledge is power, kenledge is power too. However, nobody ever says ‘kenledge.’ It is also a way of agreeing when it is too formal to say, “I know, I know.” Remember that ‘I ken’ sounds ridiculous, which is why they always say, ‘Ah ken.’ You see my insight, right?” added the Chief.

“Yeah!” responded the Assistant.

Further in the text: “Hey you, Pig tails! I will chum you in your worst nightmares. I will eat your eyes and gut your internal organs.”

“Well, ‘Chum’ is to accompany someone somewhere. It sounds relatively straightforward, right?” said the Chief.

“Yeah!” The Assistant agreed on. “He wants to say that it will happen in our nightmares!” exclaimed she with passion.

Further in the note there was, “Gadgies, any power, except for the Anarchy one, is bowfin to me! America is mired in its unnecessary, radge democracy! That is why I need $1 million!”

“So ‘Radge’ means mental madness! How dare he call our well-respected government that way? He’s worse than the Zodiac! It is usually the opposite to ‘barry’ when referring to ‘gadgies’, illiterate guys, and if someone is not a ‘barry gadgie’, he is more often than not a ‘radge gadgie’. Well, and ‘bowfin’ is ‘disgusting’! Hm…This sick guy plans something horrible…”

Shove Your Democratic Boaby In Your Ass! I am Badass at Badass and tomorrow you`ll will be at Badass ruins too. Boom! Fuds!”

“This expression does not need any translation,” said the Chief criminal investigator. Suddenly his face got harsh, “I know where to seek this badass guy — he is on Avenue Astoria building 26-17!”

“Are you a psychic man? Where did you get this info?” The Assistant slightly smiled.

“This badass terrorizer is at ‘The Bad Ass’ hotel located on Avenue Astoria, New York. GO-GO-GO! In twenty minutes we are to catch this Badass!”

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