Skill that is not taught in school

(Opinion article)

Emotional intelligence is the direction of practical psychology, designed to teach people specific tools with which they can manage their emotional state. 

As practice shows, those who at the critical moment are able to pull themselves together and not succumb to irritation, panic, despondency, disappointment, and depression, achieve the greatest success in life.

Studies have shown that people who reach the top are not always the smartest, not always have a high IQ level, have not always done well in school or graduated from universities. But they have a common trait – such people can very well cope with their emotional state, take themselves in hand, resist provocations, strong emotions and bring things to the end. In addition, they feel very well the mood of other people, can affect the emotions of others, including motivate them to perform certain tasks.

Daniel Goleman in his book wrote, ‘Out of control emotions can turn intelligent and resourceful people into really stupid.’ Why does it happen? The fact is that the prefrontal cortex does not keep pace with the limbic system, which works faster. Therefore, when strong emotions envelop us, we can perform reactive actions and then regret what was said, done. Emotional intelligence is a science about the future, which allows you to find a balance between the emotional and rational components. 

The more emotion a person has, the more power and motivation he has, the more he can achieve in life. But in order to dispose of this energy, special mechanisms are needed: knowledge, skills, beliefs, so that this energy does not “burn” a person.

In emotional intelligence, there is a law: it is impossible to suppress one emotion without suppressing all others. When a person suppresses emotions, then together with them he suppresses his motivation. Lost emotional contact.

There are four abilities of emotional intelligence: 

The first is the ability to feel and be aware of emotions well. If the emotion is unconscious, it begins to control our behavior. Appear hurt, fear, anger. 

The second is the ability to manage your emotional state. This is not taught in school; we acquire this ability through life experience.

The third is the ability to feel good about others. Scientists have shown that mirror neurons exist in our head; they are responsible for the ability to feel and experience empathy. But you can block it. The reason for this is an excessive focus on yourself, your feelings, interests, needs, desires. A person stops noticing around other people. What is the practical value of feeling good about others? Value in achievement: when we feel people, we understand how to interact with them. 

The fourth ability is the influence on other people’s emotions. This is the ability to influence what other people feel by their action and words. This is one of the most important competencies for a manager; the one who has the higher emotional intelligence control.

And from this position, we have more emotional freedom and less dependence on the emotional state of others. If we take responsibility for the emotions of others, then we do not recognize them as adults. If you are responsible for the emotions of everyone around, then be prepared to experience constant anxiety, guilt, anger, fear. That is why it is very important to distinguish between responsibility for the situation you create and responsibility for the feelings that people have in this regard. 

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