(sci-fi story)

Breaking news

“Now you are listening to CMM news. Today, on July 20, 2012, in all Northern states of the USA, in all Northern provinces of Denmark, Norway, Finland, and Sweden, numerous people witnessed a strange sky phenomenon with thousands of sparking spots circling and chasing each other in a crazy way. Some of them made cluttered crisscross movements, some of them exploded, the others appeared and disappeared in a chaotic way. We invited Professor Dupinski to comment on this completely erratic event.”

“Good evening, I think that our viewers have nothing to worry, for it is a kind of polar lights phenomenon, moved down a bit from its usual trajectory. Today we have the Summer Solstice, which happens when the poles of Earth tilt maximally to the Sun. Many myths and legends were inspired by this magically looking natural phenomenon. The reality is mundane and even humdrum. It is not surprising that many people call it as Aurora Bore-alis. The so-called solar wind strikes the magnetosphere and leads to fanciful and even fantastic panoramic outlines.”

“Thank you, Professor. Our second news is connected with weird behaviors and not less weird places chosen by three famous actors for their summer holidays. Hans Lungren in a torn T-shirt and shabby pants together with a large group of tourists was noticed in Mexico slump suburbs singing ‘Små grodorna, a Swedish song about little frogs without ears and tails. To our surprise, the same song was performed by Tormund Hivju in a company of half-drunk and half-beaten tourists of European appearances chanting “Hu!” or “Ho!” shot by our journalists in Kathmandu. The same relates to Madds Mikkelsen who looked the same in Jakarta. Police did not react on his boozing pranks, dancing around the so-called ‘maypole’, installed not far from their law-enforcement precinct, as well as ‘‘Små grodorna’ singing. We invited Mr. Sandal, a well-known expert in Scandinavian Area Studies to look deeper at the deviant demeanor of these famous actors of Scandinavian origin.

“Thank you very much for your invitation. First of all, I think that we should not seek a black cat in a bag, especially if it ran away long ago. The Midsummer holiday is celebrated in practically all Scandinavian countries. On this day, all family members go outdoors, arrange picnics, dance circle ‘horovods’ or ‘runddas’, combining them with chorus singing. Little kids and parents, big brothers and sisters, grandmothers and grandfathers join the old Scandinavian dance. As for the ‘Små grodorna’ song it sounds hilarious and I can demonstrate it right now.”

Mr.Sandal suddenly cleared his throat and started crooning,

Å nöff nöff nöff, å nöff nöff nöff, å nöff nöff nöff nöff nöff.
 Å nöff nöff nöff, å nöff nöff nöff, å nöff nöff nöff nöff nöff.

“Is it all?”

“No, there is the second cheery chorus, just listen:

Kou ack ack ack, kou ack ack ack, kou ack ack ack ack kaa.
Kou ack ack ack, kou ack ack ack, kou ack ack ack ack kaa.

“Thank you very much for your comprehensive comment. That was Mr. Sandal, our expert in Scandinavian Area Studies.”

The TV host took a new sheet of paper and ran on reporting, “Our third material relates to a number of tiny but, at the same time, tangible explosions registered deep underwater not far from Los Angeles, Miami, the Canary Islands and the Maldives. This time we invited Mr. O`Calf, an expert in oceanography and geophysical fluid dynamics.”

“Hello everybody, the analysis of our research institute shows that it is a sort of volcano activity which often intensifies in above mentioned Summer Solstice period. Many sleeping volcanoes suddenly wake up, erupt and ash, as a result of the amplified sun activity. So, our TV viewers have nothing to be anxious about. If you have a burning desire to see magma and to go volcano diving …”

The TV host interrupted Mr. O`Calf, “You can do it immediately right now, but only once in your life…”

One month before

In a cyclopean copper cave looking like Rådhuset metro station in Stockholm with shark teeth shaped stalactites covering the ceiling, wild-looking walls and smoothly polished floor, an ancient-looking round stony table threw out the invisible beams of dominance. Twelve fair-haired persons in taupe tight-fitted clothes approached it respectfully and took seats at Bjork wooden side chairs.

The chief of the gathering, an eight feet Hulk-looking man of a noble appearance with a well-trimmed white-haired beard, called Gudmund, rose from his high triangular wooden throne and looked at all his eleven companions.

“I welcome all gathered members of the Round Table and express the hope that your trips here were not grueling.” Gudmund glanced at see-through spheres parked in the far corner of the cave and kept on his speech, “Three days ago, we decrypted the spotty spiral code of our Snotty Snakes Sidekicks and intercepted their message: “5.13:^-2.5. ¬∃x(P(x)) <—> ∀x(¬P(x)) + ¬∀x(P(x)) <—> ∃x(¬P(x)). 13: 23!” It means that they will launch total death actions at 13:13, July 20, 2012, expecting to get total control and total victory three days after. Later, we detected that in their so-called ‘secret surprise storming’, or SSS, the personnel of all underground and underwater bases will be engaged.”

“They plan `actions’ on the Summer Solstice, right? Froke out freaks! They just want to crash our Midsummer parties! Why didn`t they choose the Winter Solstice or another day?” Tall and big shoulder Gustav with a Viking smile shortstopped the speaker.

“Because of their Snotty Snakes characters…As usual, they sent their message in the form of a mathematic formula prescribing all members of their Alpha Cen Circle to scrutinize thoroughly all their objects and to strike them exactly at 13:13 on June 20, 2012. Today we got together to discuss the possible variants of OUR actions and to find out the best possible solution. So, you are welcome!” Gudmund looked slowly at all his companions.

“There is just only one variant- we are to kick their asses!” A bear looking Folke with bushy beard and clawed hands threw an angry look at a huge screen, hanging on the front cave wall, with a photo of a Snotty Snake Leader.

“Everybody understands that they are to be stopped, but nobody knows how to do it. They are not so stupid with their logical calculators processing gigabytes of data under their snaky skulls,” Agnetta, a top model looking blonde with celeste eyes took a glass of water and slowly sipped it.

“These snobby smugs with algorithms instead of ideas can`t live without cracking any types of math problems. We can throw in their networks a couple of optimistic options right at 12:12 on June 20, 2012. I guess our guys from AI Department will coin a pair of logical bombs right to their taste,” Gustav gradually turned his sincere smile into a sly slasher smirk.

“Well, do you have any definite proposals?” hard-faced Gudmund took a seat.

“Why not? What weapon do their usually use? Tsunami, earthquakes, lightning,…just a bit laser, just a bit freezer…From time to time small-size nukes…So, at 12:12, July 20, 2012, we will hack their networks and transmit our messages encrypted in their favorite mathematic formulas…Something like ‘Your lightning and tsunami blow will kick your own asshole, your own asshole ’; the second variant could be, ‘Your typhoon strike and freezing hit will burn your belly, back, and dick…’ While processing this information coded in some Fibonacci sequences and Riemann Zeta equations, they will burn their high IQ calculators. At this moment, we will deliver our counter-attack blows at all their 1,200 bases,” Gustav turned to Agnetta and blinked cheerily.

“I like your sense of humor. But at this dramatic situation your jokes sound irrelevant,” Agnetta turned her eyes to her well-groomed nails.

“Irrelevant elephant and hesitant development,” Gustav mimicked Agnetta with a slight smile.

“Hacking idea sounds good,” Folke supported Gustav and cracked his knuckles. “Besides, we will break their identification friend-or-foe system and add some coded word like a…”

“Worm, a good word, it will be coded in the form of Schrodinger equation,” Gustav smiled again.

“Yeah, half of their objects will get this coded word right at 12.12. I guess it will definitely add enthusiasm to their SSS operation.”

“The hundreds of years did not change your characters. Still now you, behave like Big Bad Boys suffering from kidult syndrome from Sexträsk, Pisshilmen or Djupröven,” sharp-eyed blonde Kaia pronounced languidly crossing her long legs like a show biz star and putting her long loose hair in order.

“Kaia, you are always skepy, don`t you think that our funny proposals are better than your sarky remarks?” Gudmund could not take his eye off her slender legs. “Maybe your beautiful head can give birth to another highdea?”

Kaia bit her lower lip and raised her eyes, “I think that our opponents should not be underestimated. If we detected their dispatches and deciphered them, they could do the same. If we plan to attack them they can do the same. Two hundred years ago just only a miracle saved us!”

“The name of this miracle was Gudmund! And now he is still among us! Don`t fret, Kaia, together with Folke we will find and protect you in any part of our snäll and söt Earth!”

Folke stood up, came closer to Kaia, and put his heavy hand on her shoulder, “What worries our smart IT beauty?”

“I think that we should stop communicating through our networks right now – no information, no interception. Silence will help and protect us,” Kaia looked around seeking support.

“I think it is a reasonable idea,” Gudmund took back the reins of the Round Table gathering. “On the one hand, all our assault groups will work autonomously without any tech support and any outer guidance. On the other hand, all of them will strike simultaneously, the less noise, the better. The pinpoint approach is the best one.” Gudmund made a pause. “One more point, we have a lack of fighting personnel for 1,200 opponent objects. I offer to invite Hans Lungren, Kristofer Hivju and Madds Mikkelsen with their people. For them, it is easier to disguise themselves as tourists. We will cover all flying objects, underground and underwater bases…”

“We will scuba dive and knock on the doors of their submarines to sink them,” Folke interrupted the speaker.

“Yeah, and they will open illuminators to say, ‘You will not freak us out once again,’” Gustav grinned.

Gumnund glared at his companions and continued, “So, Dolf, Tormund and Madass, do forgive me, Madds, will take all metropolis bunkers. For us, it is not desirable to stick out before TV cameras, for them the whole life is the side-splitting-save-the-world-show…If you have nothing against, for today that`s all. Would you like to add something?”

“How about a couple of Blossa glogg bottles in a company with our sweet snow queens, Kaia and Agnetta?” Gustav put two one-liter bottles on a sacred Round Table.

“I have nothing against,” Gustav added 12 old wooden glogg pots.

“Time did not change your Djupröven habits,” Agnetta made a smooth shoulder movement and sat closer.

“The best glogg in the world is the glogg bottle in your hand,” Kaia giggled and took the Folke`s hand off her shoulder.

Folke suddenly raised his heavy fist up and yelled out, “Gud med oss! Hu!”

All other members of the Round Table Gathering did the same. Thunderous holla struck the huge cave, “Gud med oss! HU!”

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