(an essay)

I once heard that in a mirror we see ourselves ten times better than others see us. In this case, I really do not envy those who are not me and do not have the opportunity to observe what is provided to me.

Yesterday I once again flew to the back of my head “you think too highly of yourself!” It is not my fault that the personal growth of others does not reach my level. All they have to do is hide in my shadow while I absorb the amazing possibilities from the rays of the same stars in the sky as I am on the Earth.

Once my friend and I were discussing guys. Discussed to put it mildly. How suddenly she threw me not just with a knife, but professionally, subtly, with a distinctly hewn spear straight into my eyes: “Do you know why you don’t have a boyfriend? Because you act like a beast with anyone who wants to spend time with you. You’re really just a lump of a black hole.” Do I need to explain why I don’t have either a boyfriend or a friend now?

For a month now I have been content with absolute freedom from someone else’s unnecessary opinion and the regular whining of so-called “friends.” Well, apart from yesterday’s incident, of course. 5 minutes after such a compliment, it seemed to me that someone pulled me by the hand. I was already going to yell at that guy, saying he is sick, or what else to pursue me. But I didn’t see anyone nearby. The only one who has always been with me all this time is my shadow.

I thought it would be without incident today. But no. This fool from the pharmacy had to tell me that I was without a mask. I have already been ill! What’s not clear?! Why do I need a mask?! At the exit from the pharmacy, I stumbled and almost missed the bag with purchases. Taking a look, I was surprised that no one was around. Did my shadow do it? Aha-ha-ha. Very funny, yeah.

So, I remember someone left some angry comment under my photo. Oh, well, as much as possible. Already tired of deleting and blocking you … What the hell?! Someone just pushed me onto the road! I could have been hit by a car! I could die!!! Who is this psycho?!

I turn around in a rage and see myself standing alone. What the hell?! Well, I couldn’t push myself under the wheels! Only a shadow falls into my field of vision. Having calmed down a little, I suddenly realized that during the time while I nervously turned around in search of the one who pushed, the shadow had never twitched. Never.

I froze. A veil of incomprehension envelops my body. How is this possible? I feel like she was waiting for me to notice. I stare into the area of ​​her – my eyes. She lifted her eyelids …

What? Where am I? Where does this pungent smell come from? I’m in the hospital? Thank goodness the nurse comes in at that moment. What? I passed out and didn’t come to my senses for a whole day? Okay. Okay. All right. Take it easy. OH MY GOODNESS. I HAVE REMEMBERED. HER LOOK. I have to run. Where to? How? From the shadow?

I seem to be falling asleep. Apparently they gave me a sedative…

At night I almost suffocated. I’m sure she set it all up! I remember too little…

Despite the fact that I slept badly at night, my health was excellent. Definitely better than this granny in the next bed. She could have died…I’m tired of her complaints. I ought to go to wash.

I barely found a toilet. These nurses-trainees can neither help the patient nor show the way to the toilet. Idiots.

By the way, I haven’t seen my shadow for a long time. At this thought, I look up and see in the mirror absolute darkness with my silhouette.