The First Rule of the Fight Club

(opinion article)

“What is happiness for you?” Everyone will have their own options. However, there are unlikely to be many people who think about a happy future with their own families and the desire to have a constant life partner. When we first agree to play the “mother-daughter” game, we go in search of our family hearth and try on the roles of a future husband and wife.

However, quite often young people seem to continue this game by putting real marriage stamps. And here with a fabulous wedding day, often not a fabulous family life begins. It leads many couples to the same door, but with other stamps, which testify the collapse of hopes and dreams of a happy life together. In this case, the “dolls” in pairs do not come to life.

Of course, in recent years, the age of marriage has grown somewhat, but a few of those who go under the Mendelson wedding waltz sat at their desks not long ago. Because of it a lot of young people are stuffed with fears about their future family life. This is an actual topic for my reflection on why I have enough reason not to marry in the youth, and why there is not enough “stupidity” in doing it.

What pushes young people to register their relationships? As they say, there is a marriage of love, there is a marriage of calculation, but more often there are marriages of misunderstanding. This statement pretty well reflects the main causes of marriage at a young age. Let`s look at them more specifically.

I can’t live without it!

The first reason is the excessive and all-encompassing feeling of love. Lovers want to be with each other, to turn into one entity, and enjoy their life together. They simply are not able to analyze all the pros and cons. Passionate love, supported by the active production of hormones,  is quite a serious stress for an body, which passes quickly enough. After that, the spiritual love power could be measured. Typically it diminishes with every passing month. Once upon a time, I met statistics that early marriages often fit into the first six months of a relationship, just in the “hot” period of a hormonal spike. Therefore, in my opinion, it is better to spend this time in “bed” together instead of going immediately to register your marriage. Therefore, it is better to have at least one year of close relationships and just only after that to make a decision about further family life.

Until marriage it is impossible!

The second reason is the desire to legalize their intimate relationships. When parents of the couple are too strict about intimate life and control all aspects of their “children’s relationships”, then young people choose to legitimize their ‘life together’ to satisfy their libido. Wanting to protect children from big and small ‘faux pas’, parents are likely to bring them closer to them. The mutual interest in intimacy is a normal stage of development at a young age. Timely satisfaction of inquisitiveness in these matters will be more conducive to personality formation, but there is no need to do it through marriage.

Escape

Thirdly, the reason for marrying young people may be the desire to get rid of excessive parental care. This happens in families where children are manipulated, kept under strict control, and not considered as they should be. As a result, they have a burning desire to leave the parental home as soon as possible and to create their own living space. In this case, the partner can be seen as a chance for a new life, and marriage as an opportunity to escape from the too-tight-embrace of parental love. At the same time, it is difficult to evaluate one’s feelings adequately, as well as the opportunity to live safely with him. The desire to live separately from parents can be replaced by the desire to start a family with an odd person.

The stork flew

The most common reason for getting married early is unplanned pregnancy. Young people, whether they are ready or not, are immediately given the status of parents and a certain responsibility, which is confirmed by a stamp on their passport. That alone, of course, cannot serve as a guarantee of family happiness. For two who may not even have fully felt themselves in a couple, a bunch of problems that need to be solved, and at the same time, it is also necessary to get used to each other, to become a family for a little weeping kid. Having a baby is always a stress for the family, whether positive or negative, depending on the circumstances. But there is always stress that not every newly-born family can withstand, especially if their parents and grandparents live far away.

My personal opinion is that two strips on the test are not an excuse to marry unless the couple has been contemplating a compatible future. A stamp on your passport is not a guarantee of paternity. However, it is up to everyone to decide for themselves, as well as to take responsibility for the consequences of their decisions. It would be great if it started with contraception. Then this point could not be considered at all.

Although the statistics of divorces are largely not in favor of early marriages, they do have their advantages. Age is one of these benefits because what we are capable of as young people is not always possible to us in adulthood. Experience imposes its own imprint, which sometimes even interferes with decisive steps such as starting a family. Youth is often more open and sincere, has fewer fears, or do not take them for guidance in choosing a partner.

If marriage is made out of love, then it is a feeling of love. If not, I do recommend reading the books of Alan King whose favorite phrase was, “If you want to read about love and marriage, you`ve got to buy two separate books.”

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