(opinion article)

“Everything that does not suit us in others allows us to understand ourselves” —
Carl Gustav Jung

You know, for a long time I went to master such a necessary and key skill as accepting people. What do I mean? You noticed how sometimes you take offense, despise, make senseless claims, condemn, or even hate a person, that he did / said not what you expected or was not what you imagined him to be. So it did not correspond to your illusions and images that you came up with in your fantasy for this person. Your expectations and hopes were not met…Key word, “YOUR!”

But, in fact, it is you who are to blame for inventing and creating a certain ghostly “ideal” from a person who he absolutely is not; it is you who are to blame for expecting something from him, or hoping for him, this fault is yours. It was you who failed to grasp his true motives and his essence.

And now, when these images and fantasies dissolve, together with expectations and hopes, turning into ash, a veil falls from your eyes and you begin to see a reality that is completely different from what you imagined it to be. And then you start to get angry with this person, condemning and taking offense. An emptiness forms inside, negative thoughts fill your head, you feel the hatred to this person, insist on other words and actions that you expected from him, demand that he should correspond to the image you invented for him. You make claims and condemn him for being different from the image you painted in your head!

However, let’s figure it out. You are angry with yourself, but you are driving all the anger and negative on the other person! It makes no sense to prove something, be offended, get angry, try to change this person and demand something from him, shout how shameless he is, saying again and again that he does not live up to your expectations and hopes, etc.

But think to yourself — nothing will change! Either you accept it and act accordingly within the framework of reality, or you simply delete it from your life! It’s simple. For example, you are communicating with a person who is unable to support you. And you come and start sharing your problem, knowing that he is unlikely to support and listen to you. Accordingly, it happens. You start yelling at the whole world how bad it is. So, it is not he who is to blame, but you who step on the same rake expecting a different development of events! You either come and speak up and are ready for the fact that there will be no support or stop contacting him! Either you accept who the person is or you don’t communicate at all. That is, in some way you can adjust to it.

Another example: there are ungrateful people. And so, giving help to such people, very often we expect gratitude and praise – this is selfish! If you want to help sincerely – help without thinking about any thanks, there are different people and if you truly want to just help without expecting anything in return – do it and only then you will be happy and free! You will feel like you are not dependent on the emotions of anger and resentment. Forgive people for their gaffes and peccadilloes, because we are all imperfect, accept what a person is in reality, do not add a couple of qualities to him, do not create images – this is fraught with disappointment! But you should understand that disappointment is not in people, but in your own misinterpretations of reality! In your own delusions and false ideas, in your own false interpretation of reality, in your own illusions! In my own non-professionalism and the wrong approach to people and to communication! If a person is beneficial to you, is important and necessary for you, then accept all the shortcomings and focus on why you need a person, why you communicate, why he is important to you! Accept all the shortcomings and stop expecting what a person is simply not capable of … This is the same as being angry with a fish that it cannot fly, well, seriously…Blind expectations against reality…

If everything is really bad, don’t waste your time on such a person, that’s all! Instead of forever being dissatisfied, because he does not meet your expectations and illusions, forever living in anger and resentment that something is not the way you want, make claims and abandon this person instead of hating hiss true essence!

After all, it is easier to reconcile, accept and act, knowing all the nuances of what a person is capable of, what can be expected and what not, can you rely and hope or not. Without expecting too much and not drawing in your head something that is not in reality, something that is not inherent in it, do not try to remake it to fit your invented image – this is a waste of energy, but that is not very reasonable. It will be easier for everyone!