(humorous short story)

The office of Mr. Richardson, an ambitious middle-aged fair-haired CEO ruling not less ambitious NY Construction Company, was sparkling with superb led lamps and super stabbing eyes of his staff.

Robert Richardson looked around his top managers and talents from all departments and summarized his half-hour-long speech, “In such a way, we have quite wonderful work results of our looking beyond the horizons company for the passing year. In the highly competitive world-market we managed to realize five worthy construction objects. ” Chief Executive Officer made a pause and switched on the projector, “That is the business office in Seattle; the luxury apartment block in Shanghai; the avant-garde aqua complex in Seoul; the gorgeous golf club in Melbourne; the five-star hotel in Beijing. Surely, I would like to express my deep gratitude to all of you for the self-sacrificing and highly professional work on all these five key objects! ” After these solemn words, the whole staff started clapping their hands and shouting hilariously, “Yeah! We did it! Yeah!”

Mr. Richardson took a plastic bottle with Alaska crystal-clean water, sipped a drop of it and raised his hand to stop the ovation. “But that is just only one side of the coin. What do we see on the other side of it? For two times our well-respected New York Company was beaten by a completely unknown bridge-building company with their head office in Nuyaka, state Oklahoma. With great difficulty I found out this middle-in-nowhere town, the main showplace of which is Nuyaka Creek Winery and three pubs, kept by several Irish men. One of them, Mr. O`Ruuurke, a popular Clontarf and Tyrconnell whiskey activist, as well as a standup comedian  known in the whole Oklahoma, suddenly changed his lifestyle and turned into a successful bridge builder! How could it happen? Who could explain it to me? The beer-drinking champion of Nuyaka pubs who downed 7 pints of Guinness back to back just to impress the loaded local chicks smashed our Incredible Ivy League team and got two highly lucrative bridge projects in Eastern Asia. Who could explain it to me? I ask you for the second time!”

One rough-looking bearded veteran manager chuckled with a slash smirk, “Irish logic is difficult for comprehension. Maybe, in one Irish pub, he noticed a tablet, “Trust me, you can not only dance and sing but build bridges too” O`Beer.

A femme fatale looking woman with a Hollywood smile and cut-throat eyes remarked, “Newcomers are lucky. It is a temporary effect.”

A glass-eyed man with a nerdy face added, “We should analyze two bridge projects of our key rival thoroughly and meticulously using a computerized multilateral approach. After tha,t we are to single out all their successful and specific points.”

After a minute of a stoned silence, Mr. Richardson cleaned his throat and uttered with irritation, “Is it all? While listening to your high IQ comments, I caught myself on a sudden thought why I paid you so sky-high salaries? The second thought which sparkles my insomnia smashed brains right now is following, “I should not permit you to leave this confab meeting until your Ivy League noodles strike, at least, one more or less appropriate idea.”

Suddenly, appeared Mr. Brobrook, a hardy African-American man with sharp eyes and professional baseball background. “Sorry to be late, Boss.” Mr. Richardson grinned with bad hidden anger, “Though, you work as Chief Operating Officer in our company, you are supposed to enter this office several minutes before me but not several minutes after. Buy the way, what do you think about the success of Mr. O`Ruuurke, our Big Bad Bridge Building Bunny Bogey?”

“The man who could turn top-grade whiskey wind into a fantastic flight of thought? I got a surprise for you!” Russell Brobrook moved energetically to the office projector with several slides in hand.

The first slide was devoted to a funny looking man with fluffy hair, high temples, and a childish smile. He played several exotic musical instruments at once. “That is Peter Petrenko from Chicago. He is an aficionado of folk music and can play almost all musical instruments of the world. Here you see Ukrainian trembita, Swiss Alpine horn, Caribbean banjo, Scottish horn, and Jamaican Rumba box.”

The second slide displayed an aristocratic-looking man with arty posture, foggy eyes, and spiky hair. Several bogy-bick-bizarre pictures flashed all around him. “Here you see Alphonse Brumeaux, a neo-sur peintre, a follower of Salvadore Dali.” Russell cracked his knuckles with force.

A white-haired veteran stuck a word, “More Salvadore Dali—More Scrap and Debris.”

A shark-looking brunette lady vamp added, “More Claude… eh… Monet—More Crap and Melee.”

The former baseball champ ignored the comments and kept on, “Well, and our last photo…That is Ciara O`Cara, a famous stand-up comedian from New Jersey. She is crazy about Irish songs, Irish dances and Scottish whisky… ”

“Why Scottish?” Mr. Richardson frowned his left eyebrow.

“Her husband is Scottish.” Chief Operating Officer made a pause. All top management attentively scrutinized her photo. Ciara O`Cara looked like a beautiful blonde lady after a hard-drinking party. Her sparkling eyes were outlined with well-outlined dark bags. And that was her only shortcoming. “The highly ironic and deeply sarcastic stories of Ms. O`Cara are published regularly in several local newspapers. Besides, they are posted on a number of popular websites…”  Mr. Brobrook finished his short presentation.

“Why do you show us these three …undoubtedly… talented but, at the same time, completely irrelevant to our bridge-building problem…personalities?” Mr. Richardson raised his voice with irritation.

“Though they look irrelevant. In fact, they are completely relevant. Look, the connection is obvious. You remember my KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) approach. Our competitor Mr.O`Ruuurke is a fan of neo-sur art, stand-up parodies, folk music, and good beer. The applicants, I presented you, have the same hobbies. Besides, they have designer diplomas in their pockets. All of them drafted their own bridge projects and after my computer processing and merging, I got the following variant. Mr.Richardson, dear soul leaguers, I mean colleagues, I would like to ask you to estimate this bridge option-noption attentively. In my opinion, it looks innovative, impressive and, at the same time, ‘red-hot chili’ original.”

The glamour looking lady vamp wrinkled her petite nose and pronounced with a pinch of repulsion, “Yeah. It is hair-raising innovative, heartbreakingly impressive, and horribly original.”

Russell Brobrook retorted with a smile, “Your three ho-ho-ho estimate sounds, on the one hand, sexually and, on the other hand, affirmatively.”

The sturdy white-haired veteran added with aversion, “This cross-cultural Irish-French-Ukrainian bridge draft resembles a cheery and kiddy dragon before a binge drinking festival.”

Mr. Brobrook sneered in a jolly way, “Even you acknowledged that it looks cheery and kiddy. The more optimism in our projects the better. All of us sail in the same boat.”

The smirking white-haired veteran raised his index finger, “Powerboat!”

“Surely, that goes without any cold fingers, I mean comments!” The pro baseball champ showed a thumb up gesture.

Chief Executive Officer scratched his chin for an eternity long minute, “So, you offer to give them a chance and a probation period. Am I right?”

“Yeah, why not! They think differently, look differently and strike ideas differently! Who knows, maybe, thanks to their magic trembitas, chaos drawings and sarcastic short stories we will manage to deliver a triple blow to Mr. O`Ruurke! ”

“How to you plan to call their department?” CEO frowned his right eyebrow.

“ I guess that the abbreviation BFT is the most suitable for them,” Mr. Brobrook chuckled happily.

“You mean ‘Big Freak Team’ or I misunderstand something?”

“No, I mean ‘Best Friends Team’. All of them are cheery cherry cokes…I mean highly extrovert people.”

The glamour lady twisted her plump lips, “Happy idiots.”

Mr. Richardson uttered, “Happy, but not idiots. Whom do you recommend to appoint as a department boss?”

“Ms.Ciara O`Cara. Nobody can compete with an Irish man in so smart and resourceful way as an Irish woman.”

“Yeah, just only Irish women know how not to kiss their husbands for years and to find and punish those women who do it,” the old beard grinned.

Mr. Richardson rubbed his hands cheerfully, “Oh My God! At least, someone can rack his brains in our office in the time of hardships! Our submergency-emergency confab meeting is over!”