(opinion article)

“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
― Steve Maraboli

SITUATION: while working, your colleague starts crying. An unknown girl is sniveling in a subway car nearby. Your girlfriend or boyfriend is sobbing because of personal problems. What to do in such situations and how to respond to tears? Together with psychology, we find out how to behave when a person is crying nearby.

How to calm a loved one

If a loved one cries, it will be wrong to stand aside. After all, she or he needs your attention. You should not insist that a person tell you why she or he is crying. It is the best not to incline to the conversation, sometimes to be silent at all and just be around. It is worth asking how you can help a person. The main thing is to declare your presence so that she or he feels supported. You can hug or take a person by the hand.

How to deal with a stranger

There can be no physical contact with a crying stranger. After all, we do not know what physical experience she or he had before. Any touch can be even more stressful. You need to reassure only in words: you can introduce yourself and offer your help. A person in a state of effect may not realize that she or he is in danger, both mentally and physically, and for example, may cry in the middle of the road. We can take her or him to a safe place of her or his choice.

What to do when a colleague cries

In business communication, it all depends on who this person is to you by status. If your subordinate cries, you are morally responsible for his or her condition. Do not find out the reason for crying in the presence of others, but invite him or her to the room to talk. If the person is equal to you in status, you can also offer support, but cautiously and unobtrusively. You need to understand how you can help a colleague: listen to him or her, maybe give a day off, help with a task or just make a cup of tea or coffee. Coffee is better, I guess…If you want to hug a person, but do not know how he or she will react, you should directly ask: “So I want to hug you, can I do it?” Remember, the sequence is as follows: first we speak, and then we act, not on the contrary.

What not to do when a person cries

Under no circumstances should a person be compared to others: each story is special and evokes different experiences. Therefore, when you remember someone else’s experience, you focus on it, not on the problem of the crying person. That way, you don’t give her or him the attention she or he needs.

What can be said instead of “enough to cry”:

• “It’s ok to be sad.”
• “I’m with you.”
• “Tell me about it.”
• “Maybe you want to be alone? When you want to talk, let me know. “
• “It’s really hard for you.”
• “I’m listening to you.”

In any case, relax, as once Eileen Mayhew said, “Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.”