(essay)

Why am I writing? A question that everyone who creates texts tries to answer.

I started asking myself this question when I was fifteen. It first happened at the end of August. After finishing reading another book, I was swaying on a swing in the yard of my grandmother’s private house and something inspired me to write a text about the passing summer. I loved books, I liked immersing myself in unknown worlds, sympathizing with the characters, rejoicing with them, reflecting on events and motivations — living in another world when reality became unbearable. However, I never thought that I would be able to create something that I would want to hide.

It was a revelation to me that writing itself can become a ‘safe place.’ After the first text, I felt a sense of relief and joy, which made me want to write more and more, create something smarter and bigger.

With the passage of time, it has become clear that often the text is created with the aim of pouring out an emotion on paper, in moments when there is no one to share it with, or it becomes embarrassing to express it loudly in your voice.

Sometimes, it seems that no one will understand as much as an empty note on the phone, ready to take on the whole burden of hectic thoughts, or a blank sheet of paper, which is instantly filled with words that just pour out of you, leaving behind dark traces of a pencil or pen ink.

Sometimes, it happens that the text appears out of nowhere — there is simply no one with whom to discuss an important topic or problem that suddenly has begun to bother you, and the words rush and rush in your head and prevent you from concentrating on something important.

Sometimes, the text just comes out like that: an image, dialogue or situation comes to mind, and you want to develop it further, as if this happened to you. Everyone likes to live in fictional worlds, right? At such moments, you feel a strong desire to write a book, a meaningful and massive work that will be able to convey all the accumulated feelings, make readers think, sympathize and rejoice.

I have recently found out that the Ukrainian writer Irena Karpa has a course called ‘Therapeutic writing’ and it is a very apt name, because writing contributes to reflection, self-discovery, self-expression and understanding of the true self, while writing a text you do not need to hide or pretend to expose yourself in a better light. The paper does not judge and does not give unsolicited advice; it listens and heals by helping you find solutions yourself.