(essay)

It’s not bad that you can’t fall asleep. It’s not bad that you’re scared of the dark. It’s just something you born with I guess…

I close my eyes in my room and open it already in the unknown. In the darkness, in the imperceptible thick of what you can never understand and explore.

Darkness has no face. Wherever you hide, the glance of this gloomy lady will always be riveted on you. She eternally monitors your actions and never influences it. She can afford it. She is eternity. She just watches you go crazy with her gazing eyes, the color of which you will never know. You won’t be able to study the curves of her lips, the sharpness of her cheekbones and the shade of her hair to describe her beauty. You can’t even tell if she’s gorgeous.

Darkness has no voice. You are silent, but she hears you anyway. And she never answers. She only remembers your thoughts and reads emotions from the trembling voice in your head. A voice that is afraid to hide even a word from your subconscious. A voice is afraid that if it doesn’t say this phrase now, it will never be said. This incessant roaring waterfall of opinions doomed to death, which won’t be reported in any news.

Darkness has no feelings. You think that the sun rays are trying to get you out of this vile pit. But no. The Darkness tried so that no feelings from outside would reach you. Even indifference. You won’t be able to remain calm. You will sink in the waterfall of your thoughts. (Which she hears). And you will go crazy. (In front of her eyes). Knowing that no one will help you.

Darkness has no volume. This funnel of loneliness, which more and more sucks you in with its immeasurable depth. You can never stand firmly on the ground. And you will never feel the hardness of the walls, and in general, at least, some kind of border. This dark matter is infinite like existence itself. Sometimes it will seem that you no longer feel your boundaries. You won’t see your hands. You won’t hear your laugh. You won’t fall under the weight of your body. Then it will start to seem to you that you are not at all. There is only darkness.

And only after that you do realize. You don’t live in the dark. Darkness lives in you.