(humorous miniflash stories)

While scrolling the news about the dramatic war between Ukraine and Russia, I could not but notice some moments causing me to smile.

In Obolon rayon (borough), a group of street toughs with flinty faces and hammer fists got dazed by the crust of a lonely Russian armored personal carrier riding cautiously through their street…Without any words they rushed to the military vehicle, threw several winter jackets on its windows and climbed fast on its top. The APC pulled over with confused soldiers appearing in its trapdoors and hatchways to be knocked out and heavily beaten by these bad-tempered guys. A police car, popped up in a while, arrested young Russian stray soldiers. As for the APC it was crashed by gruesome gopniks, and the weapon became their property.

*****

In Troieshchyna rayon (borough) of Kyiv three grannies from 70 to 80 years, while sitting and cracking seeds on a wooden bench at their five-storeyed multistoried building, got shocking news – by rumors, saboteurs from Russia could penetrate into apartment block basements to spoil canalization systems to spread panic.

“Wow! We just repaired it, and we otta stop them,” the oldest one said.

“What weapon is better to use? Mops?” the youngest blew her nose.

“Too long and unhandy,” the rugged one remarked.

“Brooms?” the oldest scratched her nape.

“Too soft and…unchristian,” the toughest one took thought for a while and spitted out, “Rolling pins!”

“Wooden rolling pins! Rolling pins! Yeah!” Three senior women yelled out and five minutes after they got on their ‘military post’ fixed up right on their bench and at their windows.

Their reasoning got right, one hour after a murky man moved in the basement of one of their house porches.

Three grannies looked silently at each other from their window-and-bench posts and, in a while, attacked the uninvited guest hitting him heavily with their rampant rolling pins.

The saboteur was at a loss, being bonded by three furious women, he did not resist a lot and later was detained by police. “Wow! Together, we are STRONG!” Three female friends chuckled and kept on cracking seeds on their bench…

*****

In Kherson region, local gypsies also got lavish loot weighing 40 tons. You see, one kilogram of metal costs $2.5 at scrap metal collection points in Ukraine. After working out an offbeat gypsy plan, they stopped a lonely Russian tank and puzzled Russian soldiers with their mesmerizing tricks. Then they towed the tank T-72 with their small tractor in an unknown direction. This trick brought them $100,000 but surely not now, just after the end of the war.

*****

In Hadiach, a small town in Poltava region, a column of Russian tanks and infantry fighting vehicles (BMPs) got lost in the forest. While seeking the way out, suddenly they met a group of Ukrainians fowlers who started shooting from hunting rifles. Being frightened, the soldiers left their military vehicles and rushed away to the frontier of their country. It is not surprising; the Ukrainian hunters looked scary and even sickie…

*****

Not far from Sumy, a quiet city in north-eastern Ukraine, while one tank man from Russia shot down the helicopter of his Army, appearing suddenly over the high fir-tree trees, another driver of a Russian armored personnel carrier asked a way to Kyiv. Two railway workers showed him the shortest way to Kyiv, and ten minutes later, instead of going to Kyiv, the APC got stuck in a street dead end, where the smart trooper was arrested together with his friend by local police…

You see, not only Armed Forces of Ukraine but also commoners of Ukraine know what to do in this bloody war…