Love is love. A coronavirus is just a coronavirus. Love is stronger, panic monger! Don`t you think that I am right? The more caution the better. The less fear the better too.

In the enclosed space of an apartment, all distances are insignificant, and literally one step from love to hate. Spouses, partners, lovers who are not used to being together 24/7, learn a lot about themselves and each other and do not always cope with newfound knowledge.

Based on an interview with a clinical psychologist and systemic family psychotherapist Inna Khamitova, I will talk about how to save relationships in conditions of self-isolation without sacrificing oneself.

1. Why is quarantine so scary?

Quarantine really reveals, on the one hand, conflicts and dysfunctions, but, on the other hand, opens up resources that are in any pair. Living together in isolation is not an easy task.

In general, the trend is this: if a couple has accumulated resentment and discontent, but partners prefer to run away, for example, to work, personal matters, communicating with friends and hobbies, then isolation will be a difficult period for them. But there are couples who, due to their employment, could not devote much time to each other. Such couples are more likely to survive self-isolation as a period of intimacy and warmth.

2. How is intimacy lost?

We all build intimacy in relationships step by step, year after year. And we lose it, too, not instantly. This is not some incomprehensible phenomenon, here it was, and now it is gone. Rather, there may be a feeling of lost closeness for some reason: hidden or overt conflict, resentment, discontent, misunderstanding. And it happens that resentment, unfulfilled expectations, misunderstanding, disappointment, powerlessness to overcome all this lead to the fact that a person’s hands drop, he burns out.

3. How not to get tired of each other?

Your daily routine will help you. Arrange when you get up when you work, when you lie down. If you work from home, you need to assume that you or him at that moment are not in the house. But, for example, from one to two – or otherwise, if you agree on this – you will have a break, and the couple will go to dinner together as if they would go to a restaurant in ordinary life. It is also important to agree on a joint time. It will be time for each other. It is important to choose joint affairs, it can be anything: books, music, charging. And then, if you correctly compose the mode, you will get a very eventful life. This joint time is absolutely not worth devoting to conflicts. It is better to remember what you liked to do when you met. Find common positive memories. You can try to repeat these things in a confined space – watch movies if you went to the movies. Listen to music if you like concerts. Having sex or just cuddling under a rug. And finally, to allocate time for individual studies, whatever they are – it is necessary for every person.

4. How to resolve conflicts?

Forced self-isolation is not the time to resolve conflicts at all. Too much energy is being spent to cope with the anxiety that is now spreading in the air like radiation, and we are becoming infected with it everywhere. We now have one common stressor at all, and to cope with it, you need a lot of mental strength and energy. It’s hard for everyone to rebuild the work schedule and design of everyday life, to cope with uncertainty and uncertainty. Therefore, we all need support. Now is not the time to sort things out; safety precautions and hygiene must be observed. You will find out the relationship later – having calmed down, alone with each other or with the help of a psychologist. Now there is no need to aggravate the situation. We are forced to be locked in the walls – this is not the time for complaints. Let us spend all our strength on survival, on supporting ourselves and loved ones. Let’s not provoke conflicts, but try to smooth them out.

5. How to avoid conflict?

It is important to stop, not allowing the flame to cover your entire mind. In this case, it is important to exhale. To say that you are not ready to discuss it now, and then leave the scene. Breathe. Get in the shower. Switch over. Or at least wash your hands. It is not only hygiene and switching to tactile sensations. The emotional background will become smoother, if you pause, follow your breath. And then, having calmed down, think about what exactly the partner wants to convey to you. It is still useful at this moment to include the presumption of innocence and to assume that he wanted the best.

So, don`t be afraid to love each other during the quarantine period. Love and optimism will overcome all obstacles, even the coronavirus!