(flash story)

Maria from Accounting Department left behind a small cactus when she retired. “Just water it once a month,” she said. Simple enough, except the cactus started leaving me sticky notes. The first one appeared three weeks after: “Two sugars in your coffee is too much.” I thought it was a prank from HR until I caught the cactus extending its tiny spine-covered arm, sticking another note on my monitor: “Your tie doesn’t match your shoes.”

Soon, the cactus was critiquing everything – my quarterly reports, my lunch choices, even my dating life. “That guy from Marketing isn’t right for you,” it wrote. “He doesn’t recycle.”

When I threatened to give it to the intern, the cactus wrote: “Maria gave me to you for a reason. She spent 43 years watching people make the same mistakes. I’m her collected wisdom in chlorophyll form.”

Yesterday, it left a note about buying specific stocks. Today, my portfolio is up 60%. Now there’s a waiting list of people who want to “babysit” my cactus when I’m on vacation. But I’m keeping it. After all, how many people have a financial advisor who only needs water once a month?

Though I could do without the constant comments about my posture.